“The Fundamentals of Caring”

I love when this happens.

You’re laying back, regretting wasting so much time doing nothing, and the lame movies you watch to make yourself laugh a bit. Then you open Netflix (which has limited movies btw since they blocked proxies and you cannot access the US one. Kinda wonder why I’m still subscribing till now), and you see Paul Rudd’s charming face on a poster,

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so you think for a second and then click on it. I admit hesitating but only because the poster felt like it’s gonna be an Indie movie, and I’m kinda in the mood for laughs not deep stories. Paul Rudd has this incredible charisma.. it’s so soothing. When he looks at you with his deep green eyes (I mean looks at the camera, directing at you looking from the screen :/) you feel that surely the world will be at peace.. eventually.

Continue reading ““The Fundamentals of Caring””

Outrageous!

It’s 1:35 am. I’m dying to write this blog post since I was at the office. Too many mixed feelings swirling my mind & heart with little time to focus on the important stuff. I’m too tired and sleepy yet I keep going. I promised myself I’d come back to writing, and now is the most time I need to express myself… especially since I feel that my whole identity is being taken from me.. constantly.. daily..

There’s a part of me that is a big drama queen. That I know, but there’s also a big part of me that is a fighter. The past months have been heavy and tough, but I am managing to go through. And I am really glad that I am not alone in all this. As cliche as it sounds – and you know how I hate cliches – I always get comfort knowing that I have got you by my side, and I have got friends who still care. This is what matters.. inside this big materialistic giant world that I feel is trying to sneak into my soul more and more.

I wanted to write this blog post at first seeking revenge. Speaking of the last time I got beaten and how silly and absurd this whole situation is, but I guess, I know this would be just a temporary painkiller.

All I want to say, is that I am sick of pretending. I am sick of not being able to be who I am, not feeling safe among one’s family, and having to wonder when all this would end, and what kind of other compromises that one would have to make.

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Hugging my little sibling got me calmer…

So how to put this delicately?

This new blog is dedicated to the current me. The inconfident, lost, grumpy, whiny girl who cannot grasp how fast she changed. Sometimes I ask myself if the 18 year old version of me would love the new version or not. I do not think she’ll be impressed by me at the moment honestly. But this blog’s objective is to document the phase when I’m taking more steps in trying to regain myself, my passion, my love, and my capacity for empathy and for caring for people.

I’ll gain it back. Just one step at a time.