وجع دماغ يومي

بابتسم من كتر حبي للعالم
بابتسم من كتر خوف وعيت عليه
في محاولة مستميتة للرجوع للكتابة (بالعربي بالذات) بما انها كانت من أكثر الطرق المفضّلة لي ف التعبير عن النفس، قررت أرجع أكتب بشكل اسبوعي كنوع من التأمل الذاتي الارتجالي لحد ما ادخل على ربع قرن+١ في هذا العالم كمان شهر.
 الحياه بقت محاولة يومية في النجاه من اتخاذ قرارات مصيرية والاستمتاع بالانفاس اللي بتخرج ومبترجعش.
٢٠١٧ كانت السنة اللي بارجع فيها لروحي.. السنة اللي باسمح لكل الوجع انه يخرج عشان ارجع اتنفّس تاني
وكان لازم عشان دة يحصل اني اسمح تاني لنفسي اكون
empathetic
 مع العالم واسمح لكل اوجاع العالم انها تتسرسب جوايا واحسّ بيها
من غير ما احس بالخزي من حساسيتي المفرطة اللي طول عمري بحارب معاها
ساعات كتير بالوم نفسي اني وعيت على قبح الدنيا من بدري… كان نفسي اعيش حياه ابسط تقتصر على وجع الحياه اليومية الفردية فقط. يمكن ف يوم هاقدّر الهبة دي اكتر، لكن لما يسألوني ازاي كنتي بتبصّي لهبة ال
empathy
في سن ال ٢٥؟
هقولهم كنت بابصلها انها لعنة ومستعدة اتخلّص منها في معظم الاوقات.
احنا حالياً بنحارب اكتر من حربنا وقت الثورة مع الفساد والبطش والظلم… احنا كل يوم بنحارب اننا نفضل نحب الحياه واحنا بنشوف حلمنا اللي كان طاير واتضرب بالنار ف الهوا.. وبقاله سنين بيقع بالتصوير البطئ.
كل يوم فيه حرب شخصية جداً وانسانية جداً عشان تفكّر نفسك ان الحياه لسه فيها أمل وحب وأحلام
مش سهل ترجع تحلم وتأمل تاني بعد ما اكبر ايمان وحلم ليك وقع
ومش بسيطة كل المحاولات ان يفضل عندك انسانية ومساحة حرية وسط كل هذا القدر من النفاق والسطحية والسماجة

و لسه الحب نبراسي و ف راسي لكنه خجول
و بسمه صغيره تحاول تفك الاسر

لسه عندي أمل ان الحب يكون الأمل في النجاه… عندي أمل تجاوز كل الكسوف من ايماني ببعض كليشيهات الرومانسية والثقة
المفرطة والساذجة في الناس
علفكرة، لسه باتعاطف مع ابطال السوبر هيروز في x-men و hunger games و The Dark Knight trilogy
وببقى فاهمة ليه بيحاولوا يتجنبوا الوجع بشتّى الطرق قبل ما يقرروا ياخدوا الخطوة
في يوم من الايام كنت مؤمنة ان كل واحد فينا سوبر هيرو، ويقدر يحقق اي حاجة
بس هما كسبوا لما اتزرع ف نفسي الخوف، وقررت ان مفيش حاجة تستاهل اقايض روحي بيها

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What’s Going On? – May 2017 Playlist

Have you ever been in this phase?

When you feel there is a constant soundtrack in the background of your everyday life. And you’re constantly thinking what song/track would fit the background of this very moment.

Well, I have been feeling that for this past year, and it’s AWESOME! Life is a lot of fun with constant music amplifying our senses and igniting our empathy.

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Here are few of the songs that are constantly stuck in my mind. They represent my 25th year on this earth, the year of existentialism and a constant “What’s going on?” astonishment.

1- 4 Non Blondes – What’s Up (1992)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NXnxTNIWkc

 

An extra: The cover song from Sense8, an epic show I’m obsessed about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiqmrpiC1zQ

What's_Up
2- Alanis Morissette – Ironic (1995)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jne9t8sHpUc
3- Tania Saleh – Lazim لازم
https://soundcloud.com/taniasaleh/lezim-got-to
4- Florence & The Machine – Dog Days Are Over (2010)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWOyfLBYtuU

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5- Lemonada – Abali عبالي
https://soundcloud.com/jailan-lshafie/lemonada-abali
6- Aida El Ayoubi – Warda fi Geneina وردة في جنينة
https://soundcloud.com/heba3osman/warda
7- Billy Joel – She’s Always A Woman (1977)
https://youtu.be/kI3MwwWYC3Q…
8- Amy Winehouse – Love Is A Losing Game
https://youtu.be/nMO5Ko_77Hk…
9- Paloma Faith – Only Love Can Hurt Like This (2014)
https://youtu.be/PaKr9gWqwl4…

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10- Massar Igbari – Kanet Hatefre2 كانت هتفرق – (2015)
https://youtu.be/gQgNSePcr1Q…
11- Twenty One Pilots – Not Today (2015)
https://www.youtube.com/watch…
12- Sia – Alive (2015)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2NgsJrrAyM
13- The Fray – You Found Me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFg_8u87zT0
14- Sia – Bird Set Free (2015)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrT_0J6m6y8

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15- Imagine Dragons – Believer (2016)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wtfhZwyrcc

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16- The Clash – Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BN1WwnEDWAM
17- AVICII – Feeling Good (2015)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S565hk5T7SA
18- Birdtalker – Heavy (2016)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdrSSRYgfVk
19- Young the Giant – Cough Syrup (2011)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAsTlnjvetI
20- Emma Stone – Audition/The Fools Who Dream (La La Land) (2016)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrgXegJiTq4

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Hate to see your heart break

Just let the pain reminds you hearts can heal. 🙂

There is not a single word in the whole world
That could describe the hurt
The dullest knife just sawing back and forth
And ripping through the softest skin there ever was

How were you to know?
Oh, how were you to know?

And I, I hate to see your heart break
I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close
But I’ve been there before

Love happens all the time
To people who aren’t kind
And heroes who are blind
Expecting perfect scripted movie scenes
Who wants an awkward silent mystery?

How were you to know?
Well, how were you to know-oh-oh?

For all the air that’s in your lungs
For all the joy that is to come
For all the things that you’re alive to feel
Just let the pain remind you hearts can heal

A million reasons

Today has been tough.

I started the day with every muscle of my body willing to make it worth it. To make it a good day.

I quite thought I’d make it till 3 pm.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, I got everything pushing on my nerves. Then suddenly I remembered each and everything that is not okay.

So I wanted to cry, and I decided to postpone it till I go back home.

Now, I’m at home, with all the right circumstances to cry, but I cannot. And it drives me crazy to realize it. But I think I’ve managed to suppress my feelings well enough that I cannot let them out anymore. And it scares me. If I continued like this I might as well blow up suddenly.

So here I admit it all. I do not feel okay. I try to stay positive most of the time now, but I admit I am not an all positive. I would even admit that when I had the urgent feeling to write this blog, my words were much better articulated in my mind that on the keyboard taps.

I wanted to write many angry things, yell a lot and blame you for everything.

But the truth is… it’s not worth it. Not anymore.

I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away
But baby, I just need one good one to stay

That’s the thing about music. A song that taps on one spot you didn’t know it exists, and it leaves you shaken.

One thing I know… I won’t hate music because of him. It’s one of the things that I would continue to fight for it, alone.

This is my sermon.

I discovered a new artist. Loving his songs so far although they hit on all your soft spots, and I don’t need that right now.

But anyways, give these two songs a lesson:

This is my sermon..

But this is my sermon fest that I’m emotionally drained
Self-medicating hoping I can cope with the pain
I need a face cause that’ll fix whatever’s broke in my brain
Who am I kidding, no I’m going insane
I wrote some quotes on this page, just trying to reach you in a hope you were late
Well I’ll probably just throw them away
Cause I don’t know what to say
I feel weak when I’m supposed to be brave
I seem free but I’m enclosed in a cage
Though I continue to ponder over the plastic
And I ain’t gonna do any better
Do I whimper from the future, and buckle under the pressure
Or do I step to the plate, and gon’ take the chance with my life
Come face to face with the darkness so I can stand in the light

عبالي.. :) #موسيقى

Sorry Lemonada that I used your title. I swear it’s not intended to be one of like ! 😀

Not gonna lie to you. It’s a bit confusing when trying to get up again on your feet. You will need first to figure out who you were before… In an attempt to restore a sense of who I was and what used to make me happy, I decided to browse my music lists!

Hope you enjoy it as much as I’m doing now. 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“Inception” (2010)