On hope

Man, I don’t know if Ellen DeGeneres knows this. But I hope she does.

This woman is so great beyond measures. Someone who suffered a lot in her life, and came out this strong, this inspiring, and now she is helping  millions to get over life everyday, just by spreading hope and happiness.

She probably doesn’t know, that by watching this video, while she is trying to conform afraid Americans who are kinda shocked  that half of the people do not mind electing a racist misogynistic ignorant.. she doesn’t know that she spreads dangerous hope in the mind of a 25 year old Egyptian who does not have as much choice, but still got the luxury of thinking of better days to come.

If you feel like there are snakes coming at you from every direction, the snakes may be the fact that you don’t feel heard. Or nobody’s on your side…

No matter what your snake is, there is hope for your little iguana.”

This line affected me so much. I asked myself what kind of snakes coming at me from every direction.

1- “The fact that I don’t feel heard.” well, may be not heard enough.

I am outspoken. I always refuse to be silenced. I know that most of the guys I liked won’t like me back because I refuse to act like the cute girl who doesn’t have a voice and who is not strongly opinionated when it comes to women’s rights.

I always speak. I always refuse to be silenced when I see something wrong happening in front of me.

But the past three years have been a lot. You spoke and spoke. You protested. You chanted and your voice echoed. You spoke in conferences and tried to raise awareness in the streets. In the end, nothing of that mattered. Your dreams got crushed. You had to lower your voice in order not to get arrested and jailed. You only got few options, either to lower your gaze when there is injustice, classism, prejudice and corruption.. or else, die.

You even  had to smile politely when people tells you to stop dreaming and get your expectations straight. You had to “start accepting” that the fact that you were born a woman in Egypt guarantees you a certain limited amount of rights and you got to stop being so stubborn and adapt to it. You got to accept that you’re not free to wear what you want or travel where you want or be who you want. Sometimes I wish I would just accept it and surrender. To adapt. May be it will be much easier…

2- The fact that you got your heartbroken, and trying to figure out how to get from that.

All people will tell you that this is a natural phase of growing up. Getting your heart shattered to pieces, and learning how to mend it and getting up again. Sensible people would also tell you it’s a very delicate and hard process. Some people give up and swear not to fall in love again. But not you my darling. You’re strong, and your biggest problem.. that you always refuse to give up, is also your biggest blessing.

3- The fact that you always don’t fit in.

Well, that would be the hardest of them all. Always feeling a stranger. Always trying your hardest to fit among the group. When you have different political, religious, cultural and social point of views than most people most of the time, you start relating to poets and writers in literature throughout history. The literature of “strangers” who always ended up dying alone. (Pretty optimistic, huh? :D)

But for young ones like me who are feeling the same, just listen to this:

“Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?”
― Ian Wallace

4- The fact that you have no clear vision of the future

This I am sure that I share with most if not all of the independent youths of the world. I intend to talk about in other blog posts. It is a very profound and dark phase, but I believe that despite everything there is always hope. As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, holding in something, having faith in anything, is what would save you.

Dream, and keep believing/hoping that one days you can make all your dreams come true.

*Disclaimer: you might not realize it, but writing this blog post is a huge step for me. I am very proud for not giving up on writing. Expressing oneself through writing is one of life’s blessings, and it’s part of healing.

Like Anna Nalick’s lyrics:

2 AM and I’m still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them, however you want to

But you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable,
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe

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