29 April

I have decided that I need to make blogging a daily commitment. I need to reuse my writing abilities and to gain perspective again at what’s happening.

I  need to return into being the old me again. To say the hell I want to say without fearing what people will think of me. To express myself and talk about the million things that upsets me.

I need not to pretend I’m okay so that everyone would just leave me alone. On the contrary, I need to scream it out. I’m not okay now. This dark depression cloud over my head needs to leave. But how am I going to fight with everything going against what you work hard for?

One of my friends is detained now. And I’m mad that I didn’t know about it till four days later. So upsetting.

My heart is broken, for I’ve loved and lost. Well, that’s life, right?

I’m trying hardly to look at the bright side now. But may be I need glasses because I can barely see it.

Hoping that tomorrow will be a good day. Time to indulge myself in watching movies and try to forget everything I’ve dreamt of.

 

A future message.

Hello there,

Remember me? I know it’s been a while.

I have a question for you. When did this all happen?

Growing up! In Egypt!

God…

You can’t honestly recall how or when you became this vulnerable and shaky, but you know that you need to do something about it.

Life is crushing you but you need to keep going.

You need to find your ground again. You need to push yourself through. Search for inspiration. Fight your frustration and despair.

I know this is a hard time. But you know you’ll pass everything.

And please don’t lose your empathy. Please have more confidence in yourself.

Please know that this will pass 🙂

Regards,

Your future self.

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First Confession

It’s okay not to be okay.

It’s not worth the blame really.

I need to return being truly to who I am.

Oh yes, I need to start believing in these cliches again.

I had almost given up on myself, but may be this is a wake up call.

Tiny steps are needed everyday.

I’m broken… but not for long.

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Three things I’m grateful about:

  • Independent mind (or call it stuborness)
  • A family that loves me anyway
  • That I’m still trying